How To End Codependency In Our Relationships

By Ruthie Calderon


A person may have grown up inter-reliant. This may center upon the influence of a narcissistic or alcoholic parent. It may have led to a string of narcissistic relationships that form later in life. Such a persons identity evolves through who they are to others and what they can give them. These points to a person living a life of codependency. To help a person get out of this rut, a number of steps need taking. These would help the person dig down and reveal their beautiful, authentic and true self.

The first idea is the creation of relationships with ourselves. (Runaway Bride) has a scene where Julia Roberts plays a character who makes an ultimate decision. She decides never to choose eggs as preferred by her partners ever again but to make her own choice. We have to take time in focusing on our preferences, likes and dislikes. We must learn everything about what makes us happy and unhappy. We need to find ways to deal and cope in a healthy manner that which makes us unhappy.

It is crucial that we establish personal boundaries. The importance in this lies in enabling us to stop people pleasing. Fundamental personal boundaries forms include learning how to say no and precisely where to draw the line. A superb example is refusing to allow someone convince us to perform an act we do not wish. This is irrespective of this person manipulating us using negative comments. Our relationships will improve once we enforce our boundaries this way.

Listening to and trusting ones own intuition and feelings is another step. One should observe exactly what they are feeling and thinking. They should remind themselves that they could make their own judgements and have opinions.

You need to honor your intentions and needs. Co-dependent personalities tend to make their decisions based on other peoples needs rather than for their own betterment. This means you will never fearlessly utter any word. In this regard, you need to understand your motives and ideas rather than allow someone else define these for you. It certainly helps in developing your self-respect and confidence, which means it becomes easier for you to communicate your needs to everybody.

Another import concept is the creation of positive spaces. This comes with the realization of the difference that lies between taking responsibility for other peoples problems and supporting such people in their problems. With this realization comes the creation of our individual positive spaces. It identifies boundaries where other peoples space ends and ours begins.

Finally, people need to commit themselves to lifting their personal self-confidence and self-esteem. To get out of a co-dependent relationship will take time and commitment. The more a human knows who they are and what they want, the less they will let things upset them. It could mean a year making mistakes. Another year discovering and learning from them. A third year could be dedicated to practicing self-love while a forth could mean acceptance, awareness and solidification of the inside loving kindness.

Ultimately, we are responsible for our own happiness. What we create in ourselves is later artfully transferable to others. In our dynamic and vibrant world, loving ourselves makes all of us stronger.




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